“Tae Soo Do,†translated- “The Way of the Warrior Spirit,†a difficult concept to conceptualize. In American society today, the characterization of the modern warriors has little correlation with traditional, old world characterizations of what it meant to be a warrior. The value system of many Americans has been confused by the lack of cultural identity. A study of linguistics teaches that culture’s value systems are often dictated by the number of synonyms for the word money. In essence, in our culture, it is money that dictates. The definition of a warrior is calculated by wealth, by a person’s possessions, and their cutthroat desire to exploit for self-benefit.
I entered Tae Soo Do having lived in the United States for the large majority of my life. I had a high school education and insight that went little beyond my desire to be “cool†and earn money. In my mind, Tae Soo Do was an asset in my quest to do both. I felt that having a background in Martial Art created an aura of coolness, and hope that I would find a way to exploit my skills in order to make money. At eighteen, I felt I was on the right track to becoming a warrior, by society’s standards anyway.
The fall following the summer that I entered the Tae Soo Do program, my foundations in life were destroyed. At the time I held a 3.8 GPA at school; I worked a steady job, and occasionally partied with friends. Parties included drinking, smoking, and trying to find girls. That fall however, I took the first big step in my life. I moved about five minutes from home, and found an apartment in the heart of Westwood. I chose Westwood because at the time I was on the fast track to UCLA, I figured why not live there and get to know people. My roommate was a close friend that I had known throughout high school and before that. He and I had many of the same experiences, and our lives had taken similar paths. Our move-in day was an exciting one. The first items we moved into our new “home†were a pipe and eighteen case of beer. That night of the partying dictated the attitude and the mood for the following nine months. He and I were determined to party continuously, leaving all responsibilities and future life goals behind us as we did. Within a week, it was known that if people wanted to have “a good time,†our home was opened to them. For weeks at a time I didn’t attend school, I called in to work sick numerous times. Eventually, I gave up on working and decided to pay for everything by credit card. Our parties became harder, and eventually more dangerous. Soon, I not only smoked marijuana and drank alcohol on a regular basis, but other drugs made their way into my home. My situation was spiraling down faster than I could stop it, but I was rarely sober enough to notice.
The irony of the situation is that at the time I believed I was in complete control of my surroundings. I felt that it was not I who was at fault, but my parents. I felt that at 19, my parent’s no longer had a right to tell me what to do. I rebelled, but more than a conscious awareness of rebellion, I believed that I was right, and that those who said otherwise were fools. Within six months, my grades had dropped considerably, my savings were used up, and I was in debt for a few thousand dollars. Some mornings in the shower, I asked myself what I was doing (an alcoholics “moment of clarityâ€). But before I ever answered that question I was already high.
In some ways Tae Soo Do was my saving grace. Although I pretty much gave up everything else, I attended Tae Soo Do classes on a fairly regular basis. I improved very little during those months, and I remained a yellow belt for over six months because I knew I was unable to pay for the remaining portion of the program, and also because I simply had not learned the material. Those that started after me continuously improved while I remained stagnant. Nevertheless, I maintained a fairly steady attendance, and figured that if I kept one good aspect of my life going, Tae Soo Do was “easy†enough.
Around April of 2002, my life was a disaster zone, and even I could do little to hide from that fact any longer. I had used my credit card to its limits, had little cash, and school was an afterthought. I sold marijuana in an effort to be able to maintain my habit, but I was so low on cash that I would go to my parent’s for dinner every night. I dreaded dinner with my parents because I could see how much my actions were hurting them, and we constantly fought. Slowly, my morning showers became longer, and it was more and more difficult for me to suppress my feelings of guilt. I no longer found joy in anything I did. I lived a listless and boring life, surrounded by pseudo friends and others who lived like me.
My ambitions had crumbled away, and I was left with an array of problems that were destined to haunt me. Gradually, I began to isolate myself from the group of people that I had once considered to be my friends. This alone was easier said than done because my roommate did not share my appetite for change, and those I desperately wanted to get away from literally resided in my house more often than I did. I was lucky enough to meet a woman who would become a backbone for my rebuilding. She and I were able to connect on an intimate level I had not felt for over a year, and with her support, she reminded me of what was important in my life. I turned in the direction of Tae Soo Do to help guide me. The year I had spent in the dojang had some impact, and some of the very basic concepts of the art were starting to gain momentum within me. Sobriety brought a revitalization of my soul, and I was ready to fulfill some of the promises I had made to myself regarding Tae Soo Do.
About this time, when my motivation was high, and I felt that I was making the first right decision in over a year, Master Lee introduced the Tae Jun Sa program. Again, on a coincidental whim I took a glimpse at the flyer posted in the locker room, and decided that Tae Jun Sa could help further motivate me to push myself toward self-empowerment. After speaking with Master Lee however, I became immediately aware that should I prepare for this journey, there would be no heading back. As he put it, “Commitment is like taking a step off a cliff…†and I went home that night eager and motivated to begin this journey. At the time, I was somewhat aware that what I was doing was potentially life changing, and never before had I made a commitment of this nature. I was not sure of the intricacies of what I was doing, nor was I prepared to handle true “commitment.†I was made aware of the expectations, and I was headstrong and capable. I took on this commitment to prove to myself that I could be whatever I wanted, and that dedication was more than just a word on the tip of my tongue.
Immediately my demeanor changed. I looked to mend the broken relationship with my parents, and to find a solution for my financial problems. I apologized to my parents and confessed my actions of the past year. I began to look back on the year and take lessons from every day I spent failing. My parents helped pay some of my debt, and I got a job to cover the rest of the payments. I worked 40 hour weeks for the first time in my life, in a job I hated, doing work that bored me, and I realized that if I don’t get back to school and make something of my education and the opportunities I have been given, the rest of my life could be meaningless.
I had done poorly in every class I had taken for the past year, but luckily, I had taken so few classes that my GPA had not been completely destroyed. I was accepted into UC Santa Barbara, but rejected from UCLA, a blow that devastated me for a time. For a time I felt that I somehow deserved UCLA, because I had worked so hard the year before, I had cleaned up my act, and I had so much at stake in Los Angeles. I felt spurned that UCLA did not share my point of view, and I could not understand that it was not that they rejected me, but I who forced the rejection 9 months before. Slowly however, I came to terms with the fact that I was rejected because I had failed right at the end. I began to look to Santa Barbara with the renewed hope that regardless of where I was to be, I was going to make sure I realized my goals.
School became my first priority, and for the first time in my life, I appreciated the value of knowledge. Going to class was no longer a chore, but a privilege. Reading and homework fascinated me. I found the beauty in understanding, and with that, I began to realize just how little I really knew. The “all-knowing†wisdom I once thought I had, had been a joke, and I was ashamed of some of the thoughts I once had. Knowledge became a passion. I found it to go hand in hand with my Tae Soo Do education, because the more I learned about the history of Tae Soo Do, the Hwa Rang, and the philosophies of the Hwa Rang warriors, the more I realized the importance of education.
UC Santa Barbara has a reputation for being a party-school. The irony of my situation is that since I have been in Santa Barbara, partying has not been a priority for me. I no longer find any significant enjoyment in getting completely drunk for the sake of being drunk. I no longer find it necessary to surround myself with people only so I can feel popular and loved. I see past such falsities. Instead, I enjoy being with my closest friends, or finding people that spark my interests. That is not to say I no longer party. But, I have found that in life, it is the balance that is necessary. My priorities guide my actions, whereas in the past, my actions often distracted me from my priorities.
For me, maintaining a distinct set of goals can be difficult. Often, I am still tempted to relax and do what others around me do. I am tempted to smoke, to drink excessively, and party. It is the nights when I have the least desire to follow through on my commitments when I sit back and flip through the archives of the Hwa Rang Do websites. The sites help me to regain my focus, help me to realize why I do what I do, and for what reasons. I think to myself; since my introduction to Tae Soo Do, my life has moved forward in positive directions. I am a better, more genuine person to those around me, and I am destined for great things. But, I must follow through on my commitments, regardless of intensity or difficulty. I have set high standards and goals for myself, not for any reason but because I now believe that I am not only capable of greatness, but that with my greatness I can make those around me great as well. Master Lee has said on numerous occasions that self-improvement for the sake of the self is almost worthless, but to strengthen yourself for the sake of those around you can be special. I have intentions of attending a prestigious law school; I have intentions of traveling the world; and of enriching my soul. My education is a partial gateway to these dreams; my continuation in Hwa Rang Do is the other part to that gateway to these dreams; my continuation in Hwa Rang Do is the other part to that gateway. The few years I have spent in the Tae Soo Do have helped me gain a richer understanding of myself, and that has awakened me to the fact that I am child with little knowledge and far less wisdom.
My goals in Hwa Rang Do are simple and at the same time far reaching. It is my ultimate goal to be a true master of the art: to understand and appreciate what I can from what is being taught, and to fully develop my ki and harmonize the powers of Um-yang. The physical aspects of the art, techniques and physical capabilities of the Hwa Rang are beautiful, but I believe that without a mental comprehension of the art one cannot be a true warrior, a “flowering man.†The physical aspects of the art strengthen and discipline the mind as well as the body. To push oneself to the point of physical exhaustion, and then to go beyond that point is mental toughness. Mentally, a Hwa Rang controls all that surrounds him, from his own actions to the actions of those around. Physically, a Hwa Rang is confident in his ability to do and to be what is required in any situation, whether that means remaining awake for long nights in preparation of an exam, or having to defend oneself against an attacker. The physical and mental toughness must both be in harmony in order for the Hwarang to have confidence in his abilities.
As my training in Tae Soo Do comes to a close, I look back at my accomplishments and find only room for improvement. I am proud that to date I have maintained commitments, but I have by no means completed any obligations to myself. I have only taken a small step forward, and into an abyss I know little about. I am not fearful but eager of the endeavors that lie ahead. Yet, I am also aware that if my Tae Soo Do education has taught me anything, it is that there is always substantial room for improvement in every endeavor. Practice and effort help to push us forward, but ultimately it is our desire to improve ourselves that keep us motivated.
Often, on my Wednesday drive down to LA I question my desire and wonder just how much “easier†my life would be if I stopped making that drive. I answer that question by reminding myself that an easy life is also an unsatisfied life. That, I know from experience. Tae Jun Sa is a commitment I have made to myself, and I intended on keeping my commitment. Without the Wednesday drive, I lose far more than a night worth of practice. In fact, giving up on this endeavor to be the “ultimate warrior†is a failure and a detriment to who I believe myself to be. I am a future Hwa Rang, an aspiring Tae Jun Sa, and a gradually educated individual. These all go hand in hand, one feeds the other and all strive together.
My performance in one area has a tendency to reflect onto the other areas in my life. When I do well in school, I have the confidence and motivation to do everything else well. This works with Hwa Rang Do as well. As I improve in Hwa Rang Do, my confidence in school and in all of my smaller endeavors also improves. Life is lived through harmony. Each endeavor feeds another.
So, the question remains, have the philosophies of Tae Soo Do and Hwa Rang Do changed my life, or were they simply the right tools at the right time? I believe that both happen to be true. Without a doubt I feel that it was some divine luck that brought me into the dojang on one random day, but it was my core belief in the Hwa Rang philosophies that helped me lean toward Tae Soo Do in my time of need. When I took the first step in Tae Soo Do, and devoted my time wand energy to the endeavor, my intentions were completely different. I had little knowledge that involving myself in a martial art system would shake and eventually destroy the foundations of my moneymaking, self-indulgent philosophies.
Today, I no longer look to Hwa Rang Do to make me “cool.†In fact, only a few close friends even know of my commitment, and even then I keep the explanations simple. I no longer pretend to know the exact direction Hwa Rang Do will take me. I wonder how much more my views on life will be altered as I become a Hwa Rang, but I no longer question that they will change. I am confident now that Hwa Rang Do is the right path, and that whatever change comes with my development is only improvement. Further, I no longer see a finish line in my quest to be a Hwa Rang. I see Hwa Rang Do as a continuing education, a similar view I hold regarding my academics.
Currently, my grades at school have once again improved, yet not quite at the level I expect of myself. I believe that the reason for this is that I am not quite yet comfortable with my new approach to education. I no longer study for grades, but for knowledge. In the long run, I am sure that this method of studying and of learning will produce the desired grades, but I am so new to it that as of yet I have not been able to reflect this turnover completely. As with all other things, time and practice will ultimately help guide me to my academic goals.
I have come a long way since I started, but have taken only small steps in the scheme of what I have to accomplish. The first was to break from the mold of ordinary, self imprisoning thoughts. Now, I work daily to improve on my areas of weakness, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Tae Soo Do has brought me great empowerment, and has helped direct me to the paths I follow. It is demanding and the challenges are often overwhelming; practice is grueling, both physically and mentally; and the level of commitment required is one I never dreamed about when I first signed up. All of these aspects inspire me to be my best for the sake of myself and as a reflection of the art I want to have my name associated with. My Tae Soo Do education has whetted my appetite, I am eager to embark on my journey to be a Hwa Rang…a Tae Jun Sa.
A Sacred Tradition
Hwa Rang Do, an art, a way of life?
Is an ancient system that guided life 1800 years ago still relevant today?
Do those that aspire to be Hwa Rang not realize that technology has changed the dynamics of our world?
We no longer need such ancient “traditions!â€
And yet, what those that question do not realize is that it is those same ancient traditions that form the backbone of who we are as a race of people. It is those same traditions they wish to run away from that have withstood the test of time. They have fostered and grown as trends have come and gone. Tradition, Hwa Rang Do is tradition.
We look to our ancestors to help define who we are, Humans. We look to the past for answers and move to the future with questions.
Tradition can be given no true definition. It is felt and understood. Those deeply rooted may even be able to absorb its powers, but those lacking an understanding can never know. Hwa Rang Do is tradition. Tradition is deeply rooted and understood. Walk the steps of a Hwa Rang and learn about tradition.
