Several years ago I wrote an article for the Kwan Chang Chronicles on How Children Become Adults (http://www.hwarangdo.net/news/2004/Nov/1104Kids.php). It began:

Children today are at great risk. While society frequently pays lip service to putting kids first, the reality is that we are raising generations of dysfunctional young adults. We cater to children,give them too much freedom, not enough boundaries,and rush them into a false sense of maturity. Many parents are too busy working to notice that they are not spending much time providing guidance. We have all probably heard the sad statistic that mothers only spend about 10 minutes a day talking to their kids; and for fathers it is even less.

I went on to point out that with limited parenting time, children are severely lacking discipline and guidance. Society unfortunately, does more harm than good by extolling glitz and glamour over substance. Sadly there are few places that actually do teach these important, life affirming values — and I’ve seen none better than Hwa Rang Do.

For the sake of brevity, I ended that article with a quick list of things that I’ve learned through Hwa Rang Do:

Those who put in more effort are rewarded accordingly. What is most important about a martial art is not learning kicking and punching. What you learn about yourself passed through the ethics and philosophy of the martial art is what combines to make you a better human being. It is interesting that, paradoxically, while learning self-defense techniques intended to injure another person (if necessary) students actually develop a greater concern for the welfare of others. By developing the inner strength to do what is right you learn to stand up for those in need. You also learn: that hard work pays off; that there are consequences to your actions; that discipline is something you should seek not avoid; to be loyal to those around you; to be the best student, teacher, brother, sister, parent, child or friend you can be; to look up to and respect teachers, parents, mentors and big brothers/sisters; to care for little brothers/sisters, children and those weaker than you; to be strong and decisive; to know right from wrong and have the courage to do what’s right even if it’s hard; and to recognize the fragility of life and learn to cherish and protect it. To me, this is what it means to be a mature adult and these are the lessons that I have learned through Hwa Rang Do.

It’s this list that I’d like to revisit in more detail now that space isn’t a constraint.

Role Models

Sadly, I feel that the US has been coasting off-course for several decades in a number of key areas. Perhaps the most important of these is in how we raise future generations to care for each other, the country, the rest of humanity and all of mother nature. It’s not my goal to delve into too much politics but it seems clear to me that many of our current problems stem whole or in part from this — from our economic meltdown, to the deniers of Global Warming, to the various wars fought in our name (in Iraq, on terror, on drugs, etc). This is a worldwide problem but as the only superpower (soon joined by China) we bear more than our share of the responsibility. Of course, there are many complex root causes to these issues. Nonetheless, I strongly feel that we all need to refocus on what’s truly important, take responsibility for fixing these problems, and regain some of our humanity — before it’s too late.

Today we are truly lacking in role models: heroes, mentors, true champions – not so much because they don’t exist but because we as a society don’t celebrate them. Sure, we’ll make a big deal about sports heroes like Olympic gymnast Keri Strug who made a personal sacrifice for her team to win the gold in the 1996 Olympic Games. But I doubt that many Americans would have noticed if she had been competing for another country. Would it even have aired had it occurred in a less popular sport? A shining example of selflessness such as this should surpass such common issues as popularity or the desire to win. We should still be hearing of her today. So why don’t we?

More importantly, what about those pushing forward other boundaries of human knowledge — academics, scientists, artists, inventors. What about those doing social good like teachers, firefighters, policemen, doctors? What is it about humanity that draws more attention to lowbrow tabloid “news” instead of the recent launch of the Large Hadron Collider at CERN? More people seem to know the names of Brangelina’s babies than recent Nobel laureates. It’s maddening that we do so little to celebrate those who are literally advancing the limits of human knowledge.

After I had written the above, Master Lee coincidentally sent me a New York Times article making the very same point:

A big part of the problem, Dr. Mertz and others say, is that while the young math Olympians are wooed by elite colleges like Harvard and M.I.T., as well as the country’s leading hedge fund firms, they are mostly invisible to the public. “There is something about the culture in American society today which doesn’t really seem to encourage men or women in mathematics,” said Michael Sipser, the head of M.I.T.’s math department. “Sports achievement gets lots of coverage in the media. Academic achievement gets almost none.”

(more info at http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/14/opinion/14herbert.html)

It’s not just academic achievement that’s being overlooked but nearly every area of substance. Sure, we know of Mother Theresa, Gandhi, etc. Most of know that Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are giving millions to the needy or that Paul Newman quietly donated over $200M to poor kids around the world. These are incredible examples of how we all should act. But what about the school teachers in poor neighborhoods or those who donate an organ to a stranger or just donate their time and efforts to help the needy? Society should be focused upon elevating our sensibilities, continually reminding ourselves what is good and challenging us to do better.

Unfortunately, from the likes of popular TV shows like Cops or Jerry Springer, it seems that more people prefer to focus on the worst in humanity. This has the added undesirable effect of giving us all excuses for being mediocre because “at least I’m not as bad as those people.” This is probably why these shows are so popular — by focusing on the bottom of the barrel, they make even those below average complacent in their underachievement.

This to me speaks to the heart of what we as a society stand for. We should celebrate those who quietly do the right thing, especially in the face of adversity; those who give without expecting anything in return; those who elevate the human condition. In Hwa Rang Do we do this every day. We may not make a big deal out of such actions, in part because they are expected of every student; but we recognize the behavior on a regular basis and applaud those who embody these traits. In a general sense, everything we do revolves around this principle.

To be continued…

Part 2 of this Sam Dan Essay, will explore further the benefits of Traditional Martial Arts training

KCC: From the 30 years of teaching, what are some of your discoveries, experiences, and understandings of being human?

CML: Wow, that’s a loaded question. Let me see how I can best answer that. First off, I am grateful and feel blessed for having the opportunity to have come across so many diverse people of all walks of life, culture, and nations. Literally I have taught thousands if not tens of thousands of students and you can say I heard it all, seen it all, but human beings are very tricky and I am sure I will gain new insights, (smiling) good ones. But then again what are bad insights? I guess all insights are good, depending on how I apply them, and yes I already knew that. I was just checking to see if you’re awake.

There are many that I could mention, which is my inspiration for my next book, but for now just a few thoughts. I have heard over and over again from my students that they wish they started training earlier when they were children and that they wish they finished many things that they started when they were younger. There are several clues to our human nature from this. For one, perseverance is not innate; it is learned or in my case teachable. So, this is one of my most important missions as a teacher is to teach the qualities of perseverance and tenacity to my students.

How is that possible? Well, before one can be tenacious, he/she must have fortitude, endurance; before one can persevere he/she must have strength and courage. One must understand the reasons why people quit things.

And, if you ask a thousand people why they have quit, they will give you a thousand different answers with the most popular answer being, “I don’t know.” For those who have put some thought into it, their answers will range from the most absurd to the most creative elaborations from their infinite imagination, the intellect. However, if you look deeply, there are two fundamental reasons – loss of interest and hardship.

There are many versions of why they lost interest and why it was so difficult and all of them are justifiable and reasonable. Nevertheless, the bottom line is that they have quit.

Most have learned the art of quitting from their early childhood when you (the parent) have enrolled them in piano lessons, but now they want to play the guitar which is actually okay as it is in the same discipline of music. So at least, that’s what we tell ourselves as parents. Then, the child wants to do martial arts, but now he wants to play football and that’s okay because at least they are doing something physical. So at least, that’s what we tell ourselves as parents.

As young children, they seek what is pleasurable and avoid things that are not pleasurable. This is why I might find my 6 year old nephew rubbing himself on the couch and when asked, “Why do you do that?” His answer is simple and in a way profound, “It feels good.” Profound? Because ultimately this is the state which we all seek – that state of purity, innocence, and happiness, often called heaven, nirvana, enlightenement.

But for now, we must grow to maturity and become adults. And being an adult, being mature means that we must learn to do the things that we don’t like to do, things which do not give us pleasure. We may even do them well and sometime very well — like taxes.

So, if we let the child decide, then they will be fickle and rightly so with so many things to do and so eager to do them all.

Then what is the answer?

You can’t just have them do one thing forever or can you? Actually that’s what makes people the best at something – look at Tiger Woods or better yet, me (with a smile). To clarify, it’s not just one thing, but one focus. Well, that’s highly unlikely and you don’t want to limit your child’s experiences. Then, what can you do?

How about setting smaller goals and timelines for example: if they want to play the guitar, then you make them promise that they will try it for one year whether they like it or not and at that time, you’ll re-evaluate whether the child wants to continue or not.

At least this way, they did not quit, but more importantly they don’t feel like a quitter and also learned to keep a promise. Also, they did not get stuck wasting time on something that they don’t like doing and it’s not their forte. This is why the martial arts are so perfect as it breaks down the art’s curriculum into small parts, the belt ranking system, that are more digestible.

Boy this has become a long winded answer, so I’ll try to wrap it up and you’ll just have to wait for my book to know the rest.

No matter how you disguise it, quitting is quitting, and it’s a learned behavior. As a child when they quit something, they don’t feel bad, they feel liberated, happy. It’s later on in their lives that this behavior impacts them negatively and is the cause of low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and self-destructive behavior.

Human beings cling to things that are familiar and stay away from things that are unfamiliar whether they are positive or negative has no bearing on their decision. We want more than anything – security. The fear of the unknown is far greater than the impending doom of self-destructive behavior. And, even when we know that what we are doing is not good for us, we will continue as that is what’s familiar. Their lives will continue to spin out of control and not knowing how to stop it or change it, their ego for the sake of self-preservation will convince them that it’s not their fault that their live are so messed up, but it’s everyone and everything else that’s is to blame.

KCC: We can’t change our past, so what are we to do now as adults?

CML: Quit! (laugh). There are so many things I want to share with you, my students, and the world. This is why I am relentless in my efforts to teach, teach, and then teach some more. With the help of some of my students, we will utilize the new technologies to disseminate my teachings and have it more readily available worldwide.

KCC: Okay Master Lee, but what do you want to teach?

CML: Whether you believe in God or not, our lives are in our own hands. And, if there is a God, we must be self-reliant for what kind of god would want a nagging, whining child. Our destiny lies within our own hands and it is up to us to make happen what we want to be like, what kind of life we want to live. Whether the glass half-full or half-empty, what you must remember is that it is the same glass of water and it’s up to the individual to decide.

The goal should be to do the best that we can in all that we do by constantly improving, strengthening, and educating ourselves towards betterment. That should be the goal of our lives, not “lets be a millionaires”. Money is a means to an end, not the end itself and usually it ruins everything of true value, the human spirit. So if you do not enjoy the journey of life and spend money accordingly, then you’ll have amassed a lot of wealth, spend much time and stress protecting it, some will literally bury it underground as they do not trust the banks, then die a rich, bitter, lonely man, only to leave all the wealth that you could not carry into heaven, to your children. Then they won’t be able to understand why people have to work so hard to make money and constantly complain about it and also can’t figure out why they are so miserable.

Earlier, I have defined two fundamental sources for quitting and both are within our control – boredom and difficulties. Grass is not greener on the other side; the grass is greenest where I step.

In order to maintain our interest in others and the things we do, we must first make ourselves interesting by constantly improving in all areas of our lives, reaffirming our purpose each and every day, crush the demon of apathy that lies deep within ourselves, and not live to enter heaven, but make this our heaven.

Then, we must fortify and strengthen all three elements of the self – mind, body and heart, keeping our spirit balanced and strong. With this renewed strength, we can now face any hardship and accept it as a challenge that stands in defiance of our growth, of our goal towards self-betterment.

I am not interested in living a long life; I want to live a full life. This is what I have learned from my life as a Hwarang and this is what I want to share with the world. I thank my teacher, my mentor, my father and most importantly the silence between the words that give everything meaning.

Hwarangdo Forever!