I remember in Junior High School, I used to get dropped off at a corner bus stop, which is normal for most kids, but this one had a martial arts school on that same corner. For some reason, I was drawn towards it and I used to stand outside, looking through the glass and thinking to myself, "Wow, that's cool." But, I never got the courage to ever go inside. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would one day not only become a Black Belt, but I would be the instructor. Almost 15 years and two children later, and at thirty-something, I began my journey to fulfill my dream. However, this did not come easy.

First, I doubted myself and decided to achieve my dream vicariously by enrolling my daughter. I started to look for a martial art school in West LA and as fate would have it, I ran into one of the parent's at Amber's school who had her whole family; two daughters, her husband, and herself enrolled at the West Coast Hwa Rang Do Academy. I promptly contacted the school and after meeting Chief Master Taejoon Lee in person, someone whom I have heard so much about from the parents at Le Lycée, I knew that this was the right place. After many months of sitting around and waiting in the corner by the downstairs couches or up on the mezzanine, watching my daughter, Amber, working, sweating, becoming a female warrior, I wanted to jump in with her. But of course, I had another excuse; I was busy taking care of my then 9 month old son, AJ. So, even then, when I was so close to obtaining my dream, I hesitated and convinced myself (which I now realize) to failure before I had even begun.

However, destiny was calling and one day I received a "One Month Free Membership Certificate" for Mother's Day from my daughter and now I had run out of excuses; not for myself because I had plenty reservations, but for my daughter, Amber. I wanted her to be strong and now I had the opportunity to be an example for her. So, as intimidating as Master Lee was, as scared as I was in starting something like this as a mother: I mean, "What was I thinking?" young men and boys enter into a room and start beating on each other, yet there was something that attracted me - the discipline of not one, but all the students young and old, the family atmosphere, the genuine kindness from the students and parents, the immense respect Chief Master Lee commanded, everyone working hard to better themselves from the day before, and of course Chief Master Lee's words. I jumped right into class and all my reservations, worries, and fears were replaced with one thing - not making a fool of myself and doing it right. As I survived through each class, I started to feel something - a transformation was taking place. I was no longer worried about making mistakes, but now I truly wanted to be stronger, better, faster person and Master Lee's words, though they were powerful before, they now sparked fire in my heart. I got it! The Warrior's Path: being self-reliant, being accountable, living by a higher moral standard, never envy, using strength to help others, and knowing that strength is not determined by muscle, but by the spirit. Almost six years later, here I am, the only active Black Sash woman at the West Coast Hwa Rang Do Academy. I knew some day I would attain it, but at the time it was just a vague notion, a mere wish. As I came closer to the date of my Black Sash promotional Exam, I became increasingly nervous and agitated. I was once again faced with my enemy, doubt, and sought for support and guidance from the one person whom I thought could help me. But this time, my teacher, my mentor was nowhere to be found. Along with all this, the pressures of taking care of my family as a single parent, the responsibilities of helping my mother and grandmother, and to make matters worse, it was that time of the month and I thought I was going to lose it. To say the least, I was a wreck and my anxieties grew. So, I did what normal students usually do, I went to talk to the teacher. I sat down with Master Lee and explained to him what I was going through and his reply was, "If you doubt, then quit. Only you can decide whether to test or not as this is not for anyone else, but for you and the journey must be yours and yours alone." Wow! I was hoping for, I don't know, something, but not that. The one person whom I thought I could lean on was no longer there, I was standing alone and it frightened me to death. Of course, I replied to Master Lee by saying that I would not quit, that I was going to test, but in reality I wanted to break down and cry right there. I was angry at Master Lee as I felt he abandoned me and gave me no support other than reinforcing my doubt by pointing out all of my mistakes and telling me how much more I needed to practice. Even to the last minute he did nothing to comfort me except for one. Right before the testing began he said, "Be strong, do your best. Forget everything else; this moment is all that matters." Hmmm..., with that one phrase, all my worries seemed to evaporate and all that was on my mind was that I was going to KICK SOME BUTT....

The testing was a blur, but I felt great! I had done everything I was suppose to and did it with confidence and I even smashed through two slabs of concrete with my hand. "That's Incredible!" was all that I could think of. After the test, Master Lee came over and gave me a big hug, "You're now a Hwarang." He continued on by saying that he was sorry that he could not be there for me to lean on, but that it was something that I had to do alone to truly feel ownership of my achievements. My initial feelings of resentment and abandonment were now washed away with understanding and wisdom. At that moment, I realized and understood exactly what he was talking about and gained a renewed deep appreciation for Master Lee's foresight. I thanked him and I could no longer hold back the tears and it poured out of me with joy, hope, and strength. Master Lee responded with, "That's it. This is the right time to cry."

That testing night was capped off with a fantastic dinner with all the other candidates and then to my surprise, along with the other candidates, my West Coast Hwa Rang Do family greeted me at a Noraebang (a private Korean karaoke). As I was there singing and dancing in celebration with my new family, I was filled with joy and a sense of belonging; yes, this was now my new home. A home, which I now have the responsibility and the power to make a difference, to lead by example, to care for as though it were my own blood, and ultimately, know that this home is in my heart and it will always be with me. Before Hwa Rang Do, I was wandering and now I have a path - the path of a warrior, the High Road.